Ok so today I was really bored and pretty much what all gay men do in my region is….visit gay.com chat rooms. When I logged in today it shows you who looked at your profile last. Low and behold one of my ex’s was creepin’ me!
Now I’m single and have been for a few years now. I’m not going to lie it is very lonely but at the same time fulfilling. Lonely in a sense when you walk threw your city and see couples everywhere and not to be mean or anything but you see the not so greatest looking people and even they have found some one to share their time with. I start to think to myself…why not me?..is there something wrong with me? Fulfilling in a way that I’m free to live my life the way I see fit. I don’t have to worry about anyone but me…..well except when my son is visiting me.
So when I found him creepin’ my page I couldn’t help but creep his back.. lol. After the usual check his status…single…in a relationship, you know the usual stuff cause I know I’m not alone on this…Nessy. After some time had passed I caught myself just staring at his picture….it’s a very nice pic of him I have to say. While I was looking at him I started to think to myself of all the great times we had and how he made me feel….comfortable. Recap: This is the age old story of two really good friends hooking up. Back to the story, A little more time had passed then I started to think…why did we break up? Usually I know this answer. For some reason I couldn’t remember WHY!? I do remember the pain of loosing him and the night it happened….which I won’t get into….sorry, I do have to keep some of my life private.
So I started to think more and more to find the answer to my question. After some pondering I remembered that before we had gotten together he was with someone else. Who I always got the drift didn’t like me. Now when me and the boy in question had started dating I specifically asked if they were broken up, cause I’m no home wrecker! He confirmed that they had indeed broken up…………do you see where this is going yet?
So back to the WHY! When he broke up with me he didn’t really give me an reason just the tired old cop-out “it’s just not working” yadda yadda yadda. I cried the cat pooped and the fishes soul died a lil……do fish have souls I guess so their alive….hmmmm anyway that was off topic. Back to the story again lol. So a few months after we had broken up His EX called me! Apparently the entire time that we were going out…him and his ex were still going out! I was freakin’ floored! I could not apologize to him more!
So now thinking to myself tonight I believe I’ve found the answer to my dilemma! He may not have given it to me but I’m not a dumb person. He broke it off with me cause his “ex” was getting suspicious! I think back to myself cause I had seen him do this numerous times before, why did I think I was going to be any different. Do we blind ourselves so much just to be loved? Well I’m putting a stop to that right now! I make a promise to myself and encourage you to do the same….if you feel the same.
No longer will I blind myself to the truths before me.
No longer will I date just to fill a void in my own life.
That is my oath…..thanks for reading!
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