Archive for June, 2009

Father’s Day

Posted in Blog on June 22, 2009 by sagx80

So today was father’s day…the day we set aside to honour our father’s that raised us.  As  a child we grow and learn through teachings passed down from generation to generation.  A lot of our learning’s come from our parents.  Some time ago it was decided that we should have separate days to honour/love those parents, as a lot of us know it’s not an easy job. 

As a child I was not blessed with having a parental unit of two.  Yes there were sporadic times that I did have 2 parents like most of the kids I knew.  First was my real father, it didn’t work out obviously, next was a guy who had his own two kids, a boy and a girl so for a time being my sister and I had a step-brother and sister.  I left to live with my real father for a couple years, then returned just before the step-family ended.  Years went by when just my mom, sister and myself were present, during those years I had very infrequent calls/visits with my real father.  Thus very little reason to celebrate this day, and was generally a very touchy day for me. 

Now we’re up to the good part, I swear!  Now comes along a man I’m proud to call Dad. 

When he came along I was very harsh and sceptical of him, with the past as proof, I wanted to protect my mom and didn’t know any other way to do so as we really hadn’t talked about dating and such.  Not that she needed my permission or anything…just sayin’.  So as time went on he came around more and more, treating everyone, including me with nothing but respect and kindness despite the way I acted.  I may be crude at times but come on how long can ya stay crusty with someone like that.  He supports my mom/sister and myself, he is a great resource of strength knowledge and integrity, and gives me a reason to celebrate this day.  This year we were unable to celebrate this day together due to work, which I understand because as parents we do what we must to support our children. 

In my family we tend to have what I call an expressional curve, we with hold our feelings instead of verbally expressing them towards the ones we love.  I still find it hard to express my feelings towards him verbally, but the voice is not the only way we can express feelings, hence this blog.  This was the one thing I will always remember that he taught me last summer while on a family camping trip.  He inadvertently opened my eyes, as we had a very good discussion over our camp fire which I will never forget.  Sorry the remainder of the discussion will be left between my dad and myself.

I now continually strive to correct this pattern within myself and my son by encouraging and voicing how proud I am of him and his accomplishments.  I now look forward to celebrating this day with my son and Dad.  Even tho he was unable to be with us this past Fathers day, I want him to know that he was on my mind and I am eternally grateful to have him as a part of my life.

Happy Fathers Day

Do you have a Super-Mom???

Posted in Blog on June 16, 2009 by sagx80

Hey guys, so today was an incredibly insane day.  By insane I mean STRESSFUL!!!  Ok so if you’ve watched some of my previous vlogs, you would know all the BULLSHIT I’ve been going through with work and doctors and insurance companies.  So today I called my doctor and they said they would call the insurance company to find some stuff out, since me calling them was getting NOWHERE!!!  Then about 4 hours goes by and the lady from the insurance company finally returns my past 2 voice mails.  When I asked her if the doctor had called her providing the information needed, she stated that the doctor never called!  I was like WTF in total disbeliefe.  Now since it was conveniently after 4pm and my doctors office was closed I could not call them to confirm, instead I left a voice mail asking WHY they didn’t call the insurance company. 

So while talking to the insurance company I found out that they have apparently received nothing from my doctors in the way of ergonomic requirements, which is a load of more BULLSHIT because my family doctor had sent them information that the insurance lady read to me a couple weeks ago!  SO…I called her on it!  Then the insurance lady said that it was just for general ergonomics, nothing specific to my case. 

Now lets take a minute to reflect and use something I know a lot of people are lacking this day in age…..COMMON FREAKIN’ SENSE!  When talking to the insurance lady a couple weeks ago she read off what my family doctor had sent to her.  At that point if she recognized that it was just a general request for ergonomics and nothing specific was noted…why wouldn’t she tell me that?!  Instead she ‘let it slide’.

Anyway!!! So work has been pushing me to return to full duties even without the ergonomics in place, which I clearly need.  So I tried like the good little employee number I am, notice how I said “Employee Number” instead of worker or just employee, cause that’s all we really are in today’s corporate workplace.  After trying to use the station supplied to me, I found it very difficult to use and caused me pain in doing so. This has drastically stressed me out (along with the insurance company not paying me for my time off due to my condition). 

I have tried talking to numerous friends and co-workers in hopes of getting some of this off my chest and alleviate some of my stress.  Some of my co-workers have/are going through the same BS as me, but it did not relieve any stress but instead added to it because I see it’s not just me, it’s a ton of us, with no resolution.  So I reached out to my mom, as much as I love my friends and co-workers, they are no replacement for a mom’s unconditional love/support and understanding.

While going through this life I have found that my mom is the only one who can fully calm me down and relax me.  Every time I have an issue that I cannot resolve myself or with friends, she seems to have the ability to do so!  I’m not sure yet as to what it is she does or how she does it.  Could it be that I just know through the sheer bond of mother and child?  Do I just sense, even over the phone that everything will be ok by just talking to her, hearing her voice?  I don’t know, but am eternally grateful that I have her in my life.  She is always there to support me in all my decisions….ok not all of them as I can be a little bit of a dreamer sometimes…but 90% of them.  Whether I come across money issues or relationship issues, friend issues, she has the answer!  Maybe with age does come wisdom, like they say?  Or is it that she just understands me completely?  Whatever it is, it seems to help me, half an hour of talking to my mom and I just know everything will work out in the end as she reminds me to just have patients, something I’m greatly lacking in.

Now my mom isn’t the only one in my life that has helped.  She has taken on a man that at first I was incredibly sceptical of.  Over time he has prov-en to be an incredible man that I look up to.  He gives her strength and support in ways that I cannot.  I am also eternally grateful to him, for being there for my mom, sister and myself. 

So I dedicate this blog to all mom’s/parents out there.  I encourage all of us to celebrate and embrace this unconditional love, even if you are not in touch with them, know that they will always be thinking of you, I know this because I am a father of an 8yr old boy who I continually support/teach/love unconditionally.

 

I love you mom

Do you do this too???

Posted in 1, Blog on June 9, 2009 by sagx80

Ok so today I was really bored and pretty much what all gay men do in my region is….visit gay.com chat rooms.  When I logged in today it shows you who looked at your profile last.  Low and behold one of my ex’s was creepin’ me! 

Now I’m single and have been for a few years now.  I’m not going to lie it is very lonely but at the same time fulfilling.  Lonely in a sense when you walk threw your city and see couples everywhere and not to be mean or anything but you see the not so greatest looking people and even they have found some one to share their time with.  I start to think to myself…why not me?..is there something wrong with me?  Fulfilling in a way that I’m free to live my life the way I see fit.  I don’t have to worry about anyone but me…..well except when my son is visiting me.

So when I found him creepin’ my page I couldn’t help but creep his back.. lol.   After the usual check his status…single…in a relationship,  you know the usual stuff cause I know I’m not alone on this…Nessy.  After some time had passed I caught myself just staring at his picture….it’s a very nice pic of him I have to say.  While I was looking at him I started to think to myself of all the great times we had and how he made me feel….comfortable.  Recap: This is the age old story of two really good friends hooking up.  Back to the story, A little more time had passed then I started to think…why did we break up?  Usually I know this answer.  For some reason I couldn’t remember WHY!?  I do remember the pain of loosing him and the night it happened….which I won’t get into….sorry, I do have to keep some of my life private.

So I started to think more and more to find the answer to my question.  After some pondering I remembered that before we had gotten together he was with someone else.  Who I always got the drift didn’t like me.  Now when me and the boy in question had started dating I specifically asked if they were broken up, cause I’m no home wrecker!  He confirmed that they had indeed broken up…………do you see where this is going yet?

So back to the WHY!  When he broke up with me he didn’t really give me an reason just the tired old cop-out “it’s just not working”  yadda yadda yadda.  I cried the cat pooped and the fishes soul died a lil……do fish have souls I guess so their alive….hmmmm anyway that was off topic.  Back to the story again lol.  So a few months after we had broken up His EX called me!  Apparently the entire time that we were going out…him and his ex were still going out!  I was freakin’ floored!  I could not apologize to him more! 

So now thinking to myself tonight I believe I’ve found the answer to my dilemma! He may not have given it to me but I’m not a dumb person.  He broke it off with me cause his “ex” was getting suspicious!  I think back to myself cause I had seen him do this numerous times before, why did I think I was going to be any different.  Do we blind ourselves so much just to be loved?  Well I’m putting a stop to that right now!  I make a promise to myself and encourage you to do the same….if you feel the same. 

No longer will I blind myself to the truths before me. 

No longer will I date just to fill a void in my own life.

That is my oath…..thanks for reading!

 

Police Beat man for zipping up his Jacket!?

Posted in Blog on June 7, 2009 by sagx80

Seriously this is just messed up!